Jokes world
Here Orkutgallery provide you funny orkut jokes that you can use For scrap and sms to your friends and shine !
Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do,
mere dost aa rahe hain. Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said:
Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
Translation from hindi to english,
"Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi". Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai,
tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin.
Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon,
tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai.
Mummy ne Papa se,
Didi ne Jijaji se aur
Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
Santa joined NASA.
After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
Nurse came out with the newborn kid,
Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted,
BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay,
Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal. Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha,
har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Santa & banta sending sms 2 their gfs.
Santa:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai?
Banta: No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
Santa (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Santa: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Santa: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
Santa: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Banta: "B.A."
Santa: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Santa: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
Jab dosti ki dastan waqt sunayega,
Tumko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega,
Tab bhool jayenge zindgi ke gam ko,
Jab apke sath guzara samay yaad ayega.
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai,
koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai,
hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever-
What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!